Diverging for just a moment, the musical itself is an modern adaptation of the 1890 banned play The Awakening of Spring: A childhood tragedy. It was written by Frank Wedekind and the topics range from suicide to abortion and honestly, these are topics that have been present since since Adam and Even first realized they were naked. The concepts posed by Wedekind are those that ask what is the origin of shame... is it not taught to us? Sexual origin is natural and therefore should not be a shameful act. It was very much a kid vs adults story. The music written by Dunkan Sheik is extremely catchy and the poetic lyrics by Steven Sater are piercing.
This was Tosha's first experience at a dueling piano bar and it was my first time at this particular bar. I used to really like going out to The Tavernacle with friends until the crowd was infiltrated with pale-pink-popped-collar-polo shirts adorned with sideways ball caps covering the frosted spikey hair of horny twenty-something-year-old guys. The other half of the customer base consists of augmented and enhanced women of all ages, particularly cougars or unattractive lesbians who also wanted to be part of the entertainment and put sex toys in their mouth. Not my idea of a piano bar but maybe what I would envision as a feature attraction on the HBO's Real Sex. After hearing that scene was becoming an increasing occurrence, I just have not been back in over two years. Plus, I was tired of hearing Tenacious D's "Fuck Me Sweetly" each time I went. I thought Keys on Main might be a little classier, but after tonight, I have to report that am not convinced. I would say the better part of Keys is that the view is better and it's a larger space. But The Tavernacle does feel more personable and like you're really a part of the fun.
I determined that I was in a Gin mood and this is not uncommon since Gin is one of my favorite beverage of choice. The juniper is a great flavor and it goes down smooth, not too dry. I ordered a Hendricks Gin and Tonic and Tosha, a Cape Cod. Tosha and I spotted an opening at the bar, only one, so we shared a seat. Neither one of us had eaten and were pleased to find that some pub type food is served until one in the morning. I ordered a Caesar salad which filled the hunger and Tosha ordered a Caesar chick wrap. I have to point out that our bartender stood out and not for good reason. He asked if he could have a chip from Tosha's plate. Is that a weird way of hitting on us? Excuse me, but that’s just a bartender faux paus just beneath the no-no of drinking my drink and surely you can come up with a better pick up line than that. There were other men who approached Tosha and me dripping with desperation. I think I may have heard the worst pick up line ever from a patron… “I do blow… you should be afraid of me”. I responded “trust me, I am” and made it clear that he was not getting anywhere with me by turning my back to him. He then followed suit to the girls next to us and starting spouting Russian poetry, I'm sure.
I needed more to drink… a lot more to get through this. I ordered a sweet gin martini. The bartender, who made a note of saying earlier that he had been a bartender for ten years, asked me how to make it. I informed him to use sweet vermouth instead of dry. He didn’t ask which gin I wanted – at least he chose Bombay instead of Sapphire. It was a good martini though. I am not really a fan of dirty martinis and especially not ones made with vodka. He seemed to like me since I was “a girl who knew exactly what she wanted”. At that point, someone had too much to drink and made the party foul of throwing up in the bar. Sometime around that momentous occasion, one of the smug piano players decided to have a shot at Tosha and strike up a conversation. Tosha, unknowingly, dissed him, which I find funny because he just seemed cocky and he also seemed disinterested in her interest of Celine Dion. We nonetheless put in a request but put in a back up of Dire Straits which I thought he would play instead and the outcome was as predicted, we were soon swaying back and forth to the melodies of “Juliet” and “Money for Nothing”.
Tosha was picking up a number of men and a Swede visiting on business was twirling her around the dance floor. Meanwhile, I had my new friend, the hungry bartender, requesting that I kiss the girl next to me. I looked at her...the poor young thing, eager to please and gain attention of anyone and anything nearby. She encouraged me to press my lips to hers. I looked back in dismay at her and the bartender and told him if he kissed one of his male bar tending buddies, we might have a deal. He did a poor job of convincing his friend that this spectacle was worth them sacrificing anything and I told him he didn’t have a bargain. The girls proceeded to kiss themselves and the bartender and everyone seemed rather proud of themselves for this seemingly big accomplishment. The other bartenders at the other bar was looked to me to be more fun and less harassing. I will sit on the left side if I come back again.
I needed some more gin at this point. I asked for a Negroni. My hungry bartender of ten years said “hey, is this test the bartender night?” I informed him he was the one who had the long career of mixology, not me. He asked if there was Campari – bingo. I also told him there was bitters and gin. He said they did not have Compari so it was a no-go. He suggested a Greyhound and I was not keen on that idea… I would have to think on this. What was another drink with Gin that I liked… I decided on a Long Island Iced Tea. It was strong and I think it was too late in the night to enjoy it. I entertained the Swede for a bit and Tosha and I left as the lights turned on and the pianists were making their exit. The talent and showmanship is what one would expect, the food was convenient and the scene...painstanking yet amusing to some point. The night started on the high end of the scale and ended on a lower note. At least I left with the hottest girl in the bar. Keys on Main is a far cry from a place like Yoshi's in San Francisco and Oakland or even Brandy’s, a quaint, small gay piano bar which carols show tunes. Brandy’s has character and Yoshi’s class. I am still looking for a place like that in this town.
